THE Metamorphosis
By
Ernie D. Delfin
SADNESS, SELF-PITY, SUICIDE AMIDST
SUCCESS AND LAUGHTERS IN OUR LIVES
"Human Suffering is a part and parcel of our life on Earth: it has not changed since the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Paradise. Such Suffering to have its intrinsic value for our purification is to offer it as a part of the sufferings of Christ on the Cross for our redemption. "
Some notes taken by the author from one of His Spiritual Retreats
The recent untimely death (is there such thing as a " timely "
death?) of a talented actor and laconic comedian, Robin Williams, 63, caused my medulla oblongata to ponder, rationalizing and examine my own life of over 6 Decades. Like millions of Mr. Williams' fans who were made to laugh at his comic and his sterling performance in movies like the "Dead Poets Society", I too was not only shocked but deeply saddened by His reported suicide.
B ombarded by countless demonic bad news and happenings in our world, around the country, in our own local communities, or Even in our families, it is Both a blessing and a mystery that there millions of us who continue to live our lives, Even In quiet desperation and silent sufferings! How then, can a normal person continue to live happily and fulfilled, without going Robin Williams?
Even there was short lived debate in Facebook that Mr. Williams was a 'coward' person doing what he did to end His Earthly life, on one side, that is equally opposed by others, who think that he was a "brave" and generous man doing what he did! Personally,
I believe, Neither is it cowardice nor bravery that can really describe this tragedy of laughing in the outside but inside crying desperately. BUT, if I had to select just one adjective, I would say, he possibly was a "brave man", a compassionate human being , simply Because he probably did not think only of himself but also the potential 'sufferings' and anxiety that His deteriorating physical condition (mental illness and Parkinson's disease) will Eventually Affect His own family, especially His children that he loved so much.
Somehow, I can empathize with and could relate to such a human condition when "the entire world seems going against you, when everything you do is wrong " and
that life is not worth living no more!
Due to this tragic news of Mr. Williams death, I could not help but reminisce, with mixed emotions of sadness and gratitude, my personal experience along this human predicament of appearing happy in the outside but very melancholic deep inside. About two scores ago, I had a terrible accident in Dagupan City , Philippines, During my first 'returnees' (homecoming) trip to the Philippines with my wife, and coming back to California physically disabled, and aggravated by the unexpected closure of the convalescent hospital where I was working then, by the government authorities due to allegations of endangering the health and safety of the patients and other criminal acts. An investigator from the District Attorneys Office wanted to get some depositions from me, as I was then the Controller. At the same time, my employer, then, wanted me to go back to the Philippines and was willing to give my "salary" for a continued vacation, that could result to a "permanent exile" from America! (Mysteriously or coincidentally, my very first employer in America, was a former professor in Auditing Knights who got me to America just to be "exploited" as I did not have a legal status to work then, was also sued by the government in the mid 70's for some shenanigans, years after I left my professor's management firm!
And, in the mid-1980s, another employer, the infamous Eminiano "Jun" Reodica
is currently in jail awaiting trial for myriad of fraudulent financial scams that he has been accused of masterminding . His trial, it was reported, is scheduled next November 2014, in a Los Angeles Court. Catch! )
What would a person, like me, without much experience in life, then, do with those God-given trials? .... In those darkest hours of the soul, death (suicide or any other cause) seems the only way out, and for one lonely winter night near the Santa Monica pier, I also contemplated suicide! BUT, some inexplicable voice from above, barely audible in the fury of the waves in the cold blue ocean, was whispering to me that "I do not own my life , that it is just borrowed from my Creator, my God ". Mysteriously, I remembered some lessons from my Theology classes that "suicide is a mortal sin and it was a taboo in the Catholic Church that prevents Even a person from being buried in a Catholic cemetery. " For a suicidal person, however, those considerations of where to be buried or what happens after death His Futile and are totally irrelevant!
Serendipitous revelation that brought me to my senses, and the User is following day I went to visit a trusted Dominican priest, Rev. Greg Raymundo, OP (Bless His Soul) who was then a pastor of St. Clement's Catholic Church in Santa Monica, (he was also one of my theology professors in Letran and the Secretary General who knew me throughout my college years) and sought His wise counsel. After confiding the heaviest burdens of my heart, (that Even MIGHT wife did not know then), one sentence coming from His holy man, dissipated all the dark clouds hovering over me. In His unique soft voice, he simply said, "Ernie, I believe what you are telling me is true, so you have nothing to fear .. all you have do is tell the truth! " That advice compelled me to call and visit the District Attorney's Office in LA, the next day!
(What happened the next few months is another interesting roller-coaster, but story)
Looking back, with a few more seemingly insurmountable problems that have come my way, the last four Decades in America, I firmly believe that God gives us trials that we can handle, to make us stronger and better children of His, if we Allow Ourselves to listen to His very soft voice.
And that can only happen in a Heartfelt
prayer of trust, in complete surrender to His will. After all, as our Catechism book ŢĖŁŀŞ us the real purpose of our life here on earth is very simple: To know HIM, to love and to serve HIM HIM. To paraphrase the Book of Ecclesiastes "There is a reason for every season: there is a time to Weep and a time to laugh, a time to be born, a time to die! "
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Although it is quite Difficult and a great challenge to be happy and have a balanced life amidst all the bad news in our world (the beheading of two Americans, wars in Syria and Iraq and Afghanistan, children being smuggled into the USA, drought in California , two Malaysian Airlines lost, Ebola epidemic, typhoons and hurricanes, etc etc), it is still possible to be happy and contented, if we have the humility to follow the beautiful Prayer of Serenity: "God give me the courage to change the things I can, the patience to accept the things I can not change, and the WISDOM to know the difference. "
The unassuming life of the lotus plant can give us a lesson to inspire us. Thrown into a pond of polluted muddied waters, the lotus flower plants seek the sunlight to survive, and They Eventually l blossom and their colorful flowers celebrate life and through this natural process, They Even Purify the dirty and fetid water Beneath !. This analogy also comes to mind as Prison Ministers Whenever we visit the Orange County Jail weekly to provide hope and some BIBLE ( B asic I nstructions B efore
L eaving E arth) lessons to the dozens of inmates, who for the most part never had Bible or religious education in their previous lives.
Interfacing with dozens of deacons, priests and fellow Prison Ministers in our Diocese of Orange, I believe that these unselfish Christian volunteers are happy and fulfilled individuals. investing hundreds if not Thousands of hours of their time to help guide and teach these inmates, who have fallen from the right path. Living out their faith, these prison ministers are giving hope to the inmates as They Follow Christ's admonition to "feed the hungry, to clothe the naked and visit those in prison to."
Generally speaking, the inmates who attend our classes voluntarily are hungry to know more about God and the Bible. We guide, study and share the lessons with Them from the last Sunday's readings, and also give communion services to those Catholics who have been baptized and
have received their first communion. A part of the services is Encouraging Them to lift up their personal petitions and
pray for one another. During that solemn day of being together in one room, it is very hard to imagine that these inmates and prisoners are the same persons who have been accused or convicted of some serious crimes in the state's criminal justice system, especially when They behave just like any other human being: expressive, receptive and grateful Even for volunteering our time to visit Them and ministering to their spiritual needs. (BTW, many inmates do not have families nor friends visiting Them and all!)
Our Restorative Justice & Prison Ministry's main goal is to give our Undivided presence to the inmates, to share with Them lessons in the Bible, and the Good News of Christ and many facets of our Catholic faith. All of us are plain gone volunteers who have gone through a certification process by the Diocese as well as having passed a rigid police clearance system enter these country jails anytime with our official badge. From time to time, we hear that some inmates, who have gone through our Diocese Prison Ministry classes, have turned their lives around when released from prison They are both back to society and Become better citizens. prison To all of us ministers, just learning that good news is a priceless reward for our time invested to
this ministry for the "lost sheep" that are now found!
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