LOVE, HOPE AND FAITH EXIST AMIDST THE NEWTON TRAGEDY AND EVEN AMONG PRISONERS THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON

LOVE, HOPE AND FAITH EXIST AMIDST THE NEWTON TRAGEDY
AND EVEN AMONG PRISONERS THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON

          It’s less than  a week   before Christmas, and I am quite  saddened,  feeling so unproductively distraught and helpless as we are bombarded by bad news around  the world,  like the ongoing civil war in Syria, the hundreds of poor people who perished from  the flooding in Mindanao, Philippines and  the massacre of  innocent young children in a school in Newtown, Connecticut.  In the USA, this horrific tragedy in a Sandy Hook School in Newtown dominated  the news and the airwaves for days that became an aberration for a  joyous Christmas holidays.   This worst tragedy in that peaceful city has caused in me mixed feelings of sorrow,   frustrations, helplessness,  anger and lots of questioning that beg for real answers, which I possibly will never understand  in my lifetime.  As a father, and now a grandfather for two very young girls  I could never imagine how I would  endure the agony of being the father or grandfather of any of those pure and  innocent 6-7 year old children being mowed down, worse than wild animals in the jungle!  I have questioned my own God, who I have been taught to be a just, loving and merciful  God  why  these evil  things happen especially in schools,  where  peace and quiet are traditionally the norms  where  children are  nurtured and molded to  become the best they can be in the future! 
           Schools are not war zones, but sacred places like churches where children spend a good part of their day  surrounded and lovingly  guided by caring teachers, the noblest professionals of all,  who love to do what they do, not to become  super rich  like business executives in Wall Street,  but to   help develop  young people to become good citizens of their own community when they grow up.   But In just a couple of minutes last Friday,  an indescribable tragedy the lives of twenty  young children  were  snuffed like the life of a pesky  mosquito attempting to suck someone’s  blood.  How can even the brightest person ever explain why these things ever happen in our society?
        Last weekend, I spent many hours just watching CNN coverage on this tragic event in a town named Newtown (which I pray will get a  New HOPE, New Beginning,   New Promise amidst worldwide sympathy and  publicity this Christmas), that included live coverage of a multi-denominational memorials of the 26 people who were killed.  President Obama took precious  time  to personally deliver his emotional yet meaningful  message and his challenge to everyone that we must do more to end these yearly tragedies. Rationalizations and so-called professional analyses were aplenty but they  were always  inadequate to fully justify the existence of evil,  the dearth of love or lack of respect for human lives!
          To help me make sense of all these, I have to reflect, ponder deeply  while I kept myself busier. Despite of that,  however,   I was still very frustrated and angry, as if I could not cope up especially in my solitude during  a cold  rainy  winter weekend.  I am fortunate, however, that  my faith brings me to accept the reality that all things  here on Earth  are finite, that everything, everyone  will have its own ending.  Sooner or later, we too will die as our journey on this planet is just an ephemeral trip.  I was told that we are in all in a train of life, and we really do not know when our  final destination ends, when our own train of life stops.  For these children their train ride  stopped just after a short distance of 6 or 7 miles, some will be 60 or 70 and a few lucky ones may be 100 or more!  It will certainly come when we least expect it.   This Year of Faith, that Catholics started universally last month, is quite timely for us to really reflect what matters most in our lives, as our train  may stop tomorrow or even tonight! Christianity admonishes and reminds us believers that “what doth it profit  a man if he gains the entire world, but loses his soul?   Speaking about power and wealth,  who really leaves  a better and lasting legacy for the upliftment of mankind, a wealthy person like Donald Trump or a poorer person like Nelson Mandela or Mahatma Gandhi?  Or a shallow material girl like Imelda Marcos or Evita Peron or a simple woman named Mother Teresa, whose material possessions may be contained in just one airline luggage?    Writing these sobering thoughts on a cold winter morning  forces  me appreciate that I am still alive with all these human emotions and to have an alert mind to still recognize them.
          To cope up and de-accelerate the build up of stress and frustrations, I  have kept myself  preoccupied with many activities  the last couple days, so I  can tire l tire myself  to leave no time to worry over these “bad things” that I have no control.  Last night, I joined 3 of my fellow certified church prison ministers to  provide our Catholic services to the inmates in an  Orange County Jail.  The full two hours that we were in prison providing a well structured Bible Study and Catholic Services,  and listening to  the prisoners’   laments or dreams and praying  with them  as  we  try to answer some of their doubts and questions,  were quite therapeutic  to both the prisoners and us  ministers. 
                         As a Christmas topic,  we asked  the prisoners  what they would dream  to have this Christmas.  As this was my first pre-Christmas visit I never had any inkling or premonition what I will hear.  Indeed  it shocked me  to hear some very   intimate revelations.  All  of them wish and crave to be with their loved ones or families:  spouses  and children, and to be able to hug  and tell that  they love them!   One man  became quite emotional to narrate what his son wrote him   that he has written the judge offering  him  that he  can get all the gifts  at their house in exchange for his father to be home for Christmas!  No prisoner  even mentioned about  revenge,  injustice  or hatred against their lawyers or judges,  but some said they pray to be  forgiven as they would like to forgive others too!  
         As token gifts for them this  Christmas,  we were allowed to give  them  Christmas cards with postage to each prisoner, but not cookies like we did give  to the deputies and guards, and  the prisoners were  quite happy to have them.  For many  of them,  those  Christmas cards may be  the only “communication” they may have with a  loved one this Christmas.
         With just over an hour service that were rendered  per group of prisoners, we were appreciated and even asked us if we were going back next Tuesday,  that challenged us if we were to come back on  Christmas day!  On our drive back to our parish  together, it was the consensus that  unless we are in the hospital for indigestion or unless there a real emergency,  we will invest another couple of hours to visit them, cognizant of the fact that  normally most of them do not have close families or friends to visit them even on Christmas season!  As many prisoners have intergenerational relatives in the prison system like themselves,  this is a factual reality that  I never ever imagined.
             Before going to bed last night,    I felt that some of the prisoners  seemed even more optimistic and hopeful than I was the last several  days!   Their sense of  optimism  and hope for better days ahead, after serving their sentences  in prison  magically infused and  reinvigorated my dying spirit  and  somewhat replenished my almost  empty spiritual gas tank.   I felt better and grateful that I forced myself  ---- as I was quite ambivalent the entire day ---- to go with my fellow church prison ministers.
         My almost one year experiences in prison ministry has  given me  great lessons in humanity  that I never imagined before and have received  some intangible  dividends too.   Undoubtedly,  the  prisoners  are also learning something new at this  stage of their lives from our ministry.  Now  I am no longer surprised why some of our prison ministers have been doing this kind of  volunteer work  for decades, as I am no longer shocked  also why some prisoners become better persons or  Christians or even become Christian ministers and authors like Charles Colson,  known as the “hatchet man” in the  Watergate scandal during  the Nixon years  after his  incarceration.  The life of an “unholy” man named Saul  who persecuted and killed  Christians before his conversion by Christ himself who eventually became St Paul, the great Apostle,   is another  example of a  conversion miracle  that can happen in any prison of any  country in the world. 
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              In the spirit of Christmas,  let me share (again)  My Christmas Prayer, although written  many years ago, is s still very relevant today, especially this Year of Faith with all the tragedies occurring in our world.   It’s a year that some even predicted the “End of the World” according to some Mayan calendar.  I pray that with the tragedy in Newton, a New Hope, New Promise and New Beginning will happen  that  should start from the heart and soul from everyone, and then it spread through the family, then to the community, to the town or city and to state, to the nation and then to the world.  To paraphrase Mahatma Gandhi “Let the change begin in me!”

                                 MY   CHRISTMAS   PRAYER
         
          It’s Christmas time again and  I feel all alone --- except with my thoughts, reliving where I have been, where I am now and where I want to go from here.  Although I am a man, I  can’t  help but become nostalgic with  mixed  emotions while composing this unorthodox Christmas prayer.
           Oh, Lord Redeemer of the World, is this what it takes to be alive? To witness and undergo the endless deprivations and tribulations on your people on Earth?  Why can’t your children be happy and at peace  not only during this season but every day?  Not only in dreams and words but also in reality?  For since I have flown from parental nest, I think I have seen more human sadness and struggles that the “joy and hope”  that Christmas traditionally brings!
             During this festive Season celebrating the Nativity of the Savior of Men, it has always amazed me that people do unusual things to bring out their brotherly concern towards another;  it continuously puzzles me why can’t your people show signs and acts of love and charity every time?  Tradition says, as I was told,  that’s the way it was and that the way it is and that’s the mystery of Christmas time.  But I asked in my prayer:  “But why not?”
        Dear God, I know I am just one creature who does not always understand and conform with what  I see in this world,  please help me that in my desire to be successful and strong,  I may also become a  more compassionate, understanding and loving person;  that  this Christmas and in the coming years, I may become more sympathetic gfwith those around me despite their divergent views of the world we share,  as I also hope and pray that other people would also see your light and do what is right, and not only those actions  that are convenient.  This is my Prayer for the world and for all mankind.
          Dear Lord, please hear these prayers from my heart and soul,  I implore you especially  that my health and general well being as well as those who I care and love, including  my enemies  will be at its peak;  that the basic material things that are necessary to be happy and fulfilled be provided for;  that my hopes, fears and dreams in life are shared lovingly with all the very special people in my life, and that  my life on this Earth will have real purpose and meaning.
          Oh Lord, my Savior, hear me, grant me my Christmas Prayer!
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Email writer:  ernie.delfin@gmail.com   or  drbannatiran@yahoo.com